While video-chatting with my sister yesterday (oh shit, it’s like, totally the future!), she remarked, “I thought you’d be dating some super skinny milquetoast,” (not her exact words) to which I replied, “Fuck naw, I want a MAN’S MAN!” (not my exact words, but pretty close.) Which explains my third Crush of the Day, the manliest of men, Chopper Read from Australian sketch comedy show, The Ronnie Johns Half Hour.
Those shit tattoos! Those short stodgy arms! That mustache! His affinity for the f-word! The character, played by Heath Franklin, is based on actual hardened criminal-turned-rapper Mark “Chopper” Read (who is described by wikipedia as having “spent a mere 13 months outside prison between the ages of 20 and 38″. The real Chopper is also missing ears because they were SLICED OFF IN PRISON.) Here’s the video that planted the seeds of love, in which the not-actual Chopper Read (the one I truly luv) advises Australia to harden the fuck up; keep a cold shower on the ready, lest you be SEIZED BY LUST